Dating: 5 Real Turn-Offs Men Do that Women Hate

I really believe that most men do honestly try to be charming when they’re dating, but unfortunately what they think is cool may be a real turn-off to most women. Let’s take a look at some of the real turn-offs men do when they’re dating, that I have heard many a woman complain about.

Trying Too Hard-

Nothing is worse than feeling like you’re out with a used car salesman that’s desperate to collect his commission. Yes, women want men to try when their dating, but when they try too hard then they come off looking and sounding like a phony. Most women like real, down to earth men that aren’t perfect. A woman honestly does get suspicious of what’s going on when they are falling all over us just to please us. It’s almost like they’re trying to make a sale, but the problem is she’s not interested in the product. Yes, men who overdo it are a real turn-off.

Doesn’t Talk-

I know you think most women like to talk a man’s ear off, however, when you can’t get them to respond and you have to carry the whole conversation, it gets a little boring as well as tedious. No woman likes to feel she is playing dentist when she goes out on a date. The worst kind of guy to get stuck with is one that you feel like getting any information out of him is like pulling teeth. It looks good in the movies, the strong silent type, but let’s remember, that’s only a two-hour movie than it’s over. Yes, it’s definitely a big turn-off when men don’t know how to carry on an interesting conversation

He’s The Center of Attention-

I don’t which is worse the man that spends the whole evening talking about himself, or the one that doesn’t talk at all. Well, at least the one that doesn’t talk cares about what you have to say! This narcissistic man is totally obnoxious. he spends the whole time telling you how wonderful he is. He also expects all your questions to be about him. He really doesn’t care to get to know you, as long as you’re getting to know him. When dating a conversation should be balanced and both individuals should be sharing information with each other, and gladly getting to know one another. Well, don’t hold your breath waiting for this one to give one thought to who you are or what you care about. The good part is you didn’t waste your time opening up to someone who could care less about who you are. I’m turned-off just thinking about him.

Mr. Preoccupation-

Why you went on the date is a puzzle to me. This type of man is so preoccupied with answering his cell phone, texting, talking to friends he runs into, and any other activity you can think of, he doesn’t even know you’re there. You would have had more attention from your dog if you would have stayed home. Funny part of it is he really doesn’t recognize he’s doing anything wrong, or inappropriate. It’s just the way he is. It’s a real turn-off to feel like you’re totally invisible to your date.

Mr. Octopus-

This is probably the biggest turn-off of all for most women. By the time your date is over with this man you’ll swear he had at least eight hands going at once. He just doesn’t get the hint. He can’t say a word to you without touching you somewhere. Everything out of his mouth is sexually suggestive. You’ll swear he took too much Viagra before picking you up for the date. His mind starts out in the gutter and stays there all night long. Quite frankly for myself, with this type of man I would never finish the date. Most women like to be treated like a lady, and feel that their date is interested in them, above the neck. This type of man turns women off in every sense of the word.

There you have them, five turn-offs that men really need to know about if they want to keep dating. If any of you men are having problems getting a second date perhaps you should check out my list. Sometimes, you are the last to know!

Whatever Happened to Dating?

In a day and age when people sing the praises of match.com and attend 5-minute speed dating lunches, how is the true art of dating meant to survive? Gone are the days of Marsha Brady, when it was okay to “date” more than one boy because quite simply you never knew if Tom or Billy would be as nice to date as Brian or Robert. Those moments of “getting to know you” and “taking our time” have been replaced by nights spent in bars with low cut tops and first-date sex. Let’s not even get started on the first-date sex, because although I am guilty of sliding down that prickly slide a time or two (or three or…well, you get the point), it seems like we just expect it to happen; like it’s supposed to go that path, and to heck with waiting.

My intention is not to come off like a prude; far from it. I enjoy sex and I think that people should have the freedom of choice to engage in it when they choose. I suppose it is the rampant attitude that sex on the first date is just oh so normal, and especially when it is topped off with comments like “We’re both adults, why play games?” or “I’m too old to play around with dating and holding out” or one of my personal favorites “We’re not getting any younger, why should we hold off when all we want to do is bring each other pleasure?” (Are you serious?)

I, for one, am back in what I like to affectionately call the “Dead Sea of Dating” and it is not always the nicest place to be. Between bad dates, missed dates, awkward dates, and the random good or great date, a girl can get frustrated with the ups and downs of just getting to know a guy, let alone the added pressure of physical intimacy. I don’t blame the guys, because truth be told, the ladies earn their fair share of the blame too. We hit the town in tight pants, low tops, push-up bras, sweet perfume, edible underwear, and let’s not forget the famous “booty dance” when we’re out in the club. All this to lead up to a probable one-night stand, but hopefully a possible long-term connection; but we’re not getting to know the guy’s ladies. Can we get some last names, some occupations, some information about them like do they have kids, have they been married, are they out just to have fun or are they looking for long-term too? Maybe even the simple questions like do you have a car? Do you have a steady job? Do you live on your own, or with roommates, or the dreaded with parents?

The things that we learn about a guy that only time can tell are sometimes only tiny bits and pieces of information, but they are important bits and pieces of information. How he felt last night has no correlation to how he treats his women in the long run, and that neat trick he did with the ice is not going to tell you if he is good with money or good with people or good with kids. Now if all you’re looking for is a quick romp, then more power to you – enjoy and be sure to drink plenty of fluids and get a good meal out of the deal. But if you’re looking for a possible mate or long-term connection, maybe you should keep’em closed on that first date. Make him TALK to you and get to KNOW you and WANT to know MORE about you, and create a little intrigue. Don’t feel bad if you’re DATING more than one guy, because that’s what you’re supposed to do; DATE. If you were sleeping with more than one guy I could see the problem if you’re looking for love, but if you’re not sleeping around, then DATE away, and take your time! Bring back the art of dating!

Five Dating Conversation Tips for Shy (Or Not So Shy) People

Get Your Tongue Back from the Cat

Maybe you’re shy or struggling to start a conversation with your date. Here are five tips to get the conversation going. These conversation tips will benefit both shy and not so shy people!

Dating Conversation Tip #5: Ask Your Date Open-Ended Questions

If you’re shy, open-ended questions are a great way to get the conversation going. Ask your date about interests, family, upbringing, career, or hobbies. People love to talk about themselves! Your date will probably jump at the chance to talk. If you’re shy, asking open-ended questions gets the focus off you, and onto your date. Once they start talking, you won’t feel as shy. If you’re too shy to talk, listen. Everyone loves a good listener!

Dating Conversation Tip #4: Read the Book of Questions

If you’re too shy to think of questions for your date, buy the Book of Questions, available at Amazon. The Book of Questions is full of thought-provoking questions such as, if you could acquire any superpower what would it be? If you could spend one year in perfect happiness but not remember any of it afterwards, would you? Such hypothetical ideas will get a deep conversation going. It’s a great way to catch a glimpse into your date’s innermost thoughts and beliefs. Once you become absorbed in conversation, you don’t feel as shy.

Dating Conversation Tip #3: Become Well-Read in a Variety of Subjects

If you are comfortable with your topics, you won’t feel as shy. If you are knowledgeable and passionate about what you are saying, your confidence will show during dating conversations. Dating involves connecting with someone intellectually, as well as physically and emotionally. If you’re a science person, read Rolling Stone, People, and other arts and literary journals. If you’re a humanities person, read Scientific American, Discover, or National Geographic. Everyone should read cultural journals like The New Yorker and news magazines like the Economist or Newsweek. If you’re shy, acquire a well-rounded body of knowledge and you’ll always have topics for conversation on your date!

Dating Conversation Tip #2: If all else fails, go to the Movies!

For the shy (or not so shy), movies are especially great for a first date. If you are shy, sitting in a dark theater will help you avoid conversation for at least two hours of your date. Seeing the movie will allow you and your date to share a common experience. Besides, it will give you something to talk about later on your date. Any genre will do. A romantic comedy will provide a great dating atmosphere. A horror movie will allow you to cuddle with your date during the scary parts (that is, if you’re not too shy!). A thought-provoking documentary will be conducive to intellectually stimulating conversation afterwards.

Dating Conversation Tip #1: Keep a Healthy Perspective

Although being shy can be crippling sometimes, remember that dating is supposed to be fun. Conversations provide a way to connect with someone. Talk to your date like you would a friend and allow nature to take its course. It’s okay to be a little shy. You don’t have to be perfect-you only have to be the best version of yourself. If you have a genuine interest and desire to get to know your date, it will show. Remember: you’re on a date, not an audition. Enjoy your date!

CBS Rejects Gay Dating Site Ad; Phobic or Practical?

Turns Out the Super Bowl Isn’t Gay

So it’s that time of year again: the snow is slushy, the sun is blinding, the fingers are frozen – and its time for the annual spirited discussion about rejected Super Bowl ads. It happens every year. Someone tries to submit an ad that’s considered too racy or sexually charged, and CBS, mindful of the fact that the Super Bowl is traditional family viewing, throws it in the shredder. A search on YouTube for “banned super bowl commercials” shows pages and pages of ads, pushing everything from beer to domain names to vegetarianism. One year, however, one rejected ad has become a socio-political issue.

The ad is for a gay dating site, ManCrunch. It’s a low-budget, badly-lit spot that shows two men sharing a bowl of potato chips (presumably while watching the big game). Suddenly, their hands touch – their lips meet – and they lunge passionately towards each other. As they embrace, the camera pans to another man in the room, who look on with a mixture of horror and confusion.

The ad is often described as portraying two men kissing, but it’s patently obvious that the actor’s mouths never actually get near each other. Sex advice columnist (and openly gay man) Dan Savage blogged about the ad on The Stranger’s website, making light of the situation by pointing out that the ad might have just been rejected because it doesn’t show what it purports to:

But, again, the ad doesn’t show two men kissing. It shows two guys lunging toward each other, one with his mouth open, but at the last second their heads turn and they lunge past each other and place their chins on each other’s shoulders and tilt their heads from side-to-side. Which isn’t kissing. It’s not even simulated kissing. But the blond is foxy and his ass looks pretty good in those baggy gray sweatpants, huh?

According to CNN, a CBS spokesperson named Shannon Jacobs stated that the ad was rejected by standards and practices. As explained on the Museum of Broadcast Communications’ website, “standards and practices” is the industry term for what many people call “the network censors.” Their job is to screen all non-news broadcasts for “compliance with legal, policy, factual, and community standards.”

But in the next paragraph of the same article, CNN states that “CBS said it turned down the ad partly for financial reasons,” going on to explain that CBS was unable to verify ManCrunch’s credit status. ManCrunch states that they offered to pay cash, but CBS says they have no record of such an offer.

It’s a convoluted story. At first, ManCrunch was apparently told that all the ad spots were sold out, then later CBS clarified that they only had “one or two” left. If ManCrunch had decided to play ball and submitted a new ad, would we still be having this discussion? Exactly what “community standards” or “policy” might standards and practices be applying to this situation? One assumes that they have no legal or factual concerns with two men (not) kissing.

Of course, it wouldn’t be the first time that physical touch between same-sex couples has been held to a different standard than hetero slap-and-tickle. But is it the content of the ad that CBS finds disturbing, or the service it advertises? Last year, AshleyMadison.com, a website that matches up partnered people who wish to pursue “discrete affairs,” was similarly rejected. Except in this case, CBS made it clear that a service like Ashley Madison would never be allowed to advertise during the big game. No such stipulation was made with ManCrunch, however – in fact, Jacobs told CNN that they are “always open” to revised or new ad submissions.

Though this ad portrays what might be foreplay between two men, it does not have the sexually charged feel of many ads that run uncontested in prime time. It is not meant to arouse or excite. The ad is almost charming in its simplicity, showing two average-looking guys who discover their attraction to each other over potato chips and football. The execution could be smoother, and the actors could be a little more comfortable with actually, you know, making out – but in a world full of ads that sexualize everything from deodorant to burgers, it’s comforting to see an ad that’s actually about sex, but isn’t really sexual at all.

The problem is that intimate touch – whether kissing, hand-holding, or writhing awkwardly on a couch while a friend looks on in bewilderment – has always been more difficult for gay couples to engage in without unwelcome attention. Men, particularly, suffer under the heteronormative standards that many of us are taught growing up. Though homophobia is never justified, it is a survival instinct: being homosexual is associated with being the receiving partner in penetrative sex, which has historically been the most dangerous and subservient position to find oneself in. Men who slept with other men were shamed, just like promiscuous women were – it was dangerous, it spread disease, and it was outside of the societal norms.

In our lizard brains, it doesn’t matter that condoms, antiretroviral therapy, and advanced testing have greatly reduced the risks associated with being on the receiving end of penetrative sex. It doesn’t even matter that plenty of gay men never even do it. Many of us still feel uncomfortable when we see gay couples, or portrayals of gay couples on T.V., doing the things that all couples do. That’s something that won’t go away overnight, no matter how far the gay civil rights movement progresses. We shouldn’t expect it to. But policy, whether public or private, can’t be dictated based on the icky feeling in your stomach.

The voices that are speaking out against CBS’s decision are relatively small and quiet. But they are making themselves heard nonetheless, and its time CBS sat up and listened.

The Rules of Dating

Rule 1 – Creating Your Standards

What are your standards when dating? What are your rules? Do you have any? What would you like your rules to be? Have you had successful dating experiences or are the majority of your experiences negative? Many of us date people without having a clear set of standards and guidelines in which to refer. Wouldn’t you like to weed out the people who are going to waste your time and focus only on those that have what you are looking for? I’m sure you would. Let me show you how.

Begin by asking yourself the question, “What are three most important must haves when seeking my potential life partner?” For instance, let’s say that you are a person who loves the outdoors. You are used to camping, hiking, skydiving, etc. Would you mind it if your potential mate was completely the opposite? Would you need someone that is as adventurous as you are or is this a minor asset versus a major asset? Once you have answered that question you can move on to the other two major must haves to determine a person’s eligibility. Dating is very much like finding the right candidate for a position. As a Recruiter, when a position is posted many candidates may apply for the position, however, not everyone is qualified for the position. Many candidates go after the position for what benefits them instead of what benefits them and the company that they hope to work for. In dating, potentials put in their applications with you by introducing themselves and trying to take you out or trying to be taken out by you. They are trying to get an interview with you to tell you how qualified they are to fill your vacant position. Professional recruiters must first understand what the needs of the position are, what qualifications and education are needed in order to select the best candidate. When you understand what your needs are as a person and as the second half of a dynamic whole, you can better assess whether the applicants does not meet, meets, or exceeds the criteria.

Let’s stop here for a moment. “You” have to understand what “your needs” are “first.” If you don’t know what you need, you will have too many candidates or not enough qualified candidates to choose from. The goal of dating should not be to date whosoever will. The goal should be to have at least 3 or 4 qualified persons vying for that vacant position as boyfriend or girlfriend and eventually wife or husband (depending on your needs). So what are your needs? Many dating sites now have personality profiles that match people according to how important a certain need is in their lives. Once again, if you do not know what you want for yourself, there is not a person on earth that will be able to fill that vacant position. What are your needs?

Ok, so you still don’t know what your needs are. What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What makes you angry? How often do you like to feel happy? What are your eating habits? What are your exercise habits? All of these questions and more are what you should be asking yourself. Let’s do an exercise: Take a sheet of paper and divide it into 3 columns. Name the columns 1. Likes, 2. Dislikes, 3. Passable. Write down in each column your standard for each category. Of all 3 columns I want you to choose the top 3 that are most important to you. You should have 9 things. Of those 9, choose the top 3 and list them below.

1.___________________

2.___________________

3.___________________

Now that you have listed the top 3 things that you like, dislike or are passable on, get another sheet of paper and create 4 columns. In the first column write the name of every ex that you’ve had. In the second column create a header with the name of your first need. In the third column use the second need and the fourth use the third need as a header. In each of the columns use the point system. 1 will equal “Does not meet,” 2 will equal “Meets,” and 3 will equal “Exceeds expectations.” After you have done that for each of your exes, you can probably realize why you are not with them any longer. However, if they exceeded then give them a call. The reason we used the exes is to give you a feel of what kind of candidate you do not need to look for. My top 3 were:

1. Money (financially independent)
2. God (religious, character, integrity)
3. No children (but wants in the future)

If I began speaking to someone or was approached by someone and throughout my prescreening process they had two of those three, they are automatically out of the running. These are what my needs are. I choose not to bend on these three values therefore anyone I date must possess these three before we go any further. Now, I am not going to tell you that this is easy. It’s not. It is especially difficult when the person is very attractive and you have a good vibe with each other. That is why writing down your must haves and not wavering on them is so important. An attractive man or woman with a nice smile and a good vibe can make you disregard your values to live in the moment. If you don’t mind living in the moment then that’s fine, but if you are a person that wants to be with someone long term, your potential can’t be someone that makes you disregard what makes “you” happy.

This method will not be popular with those who care only for their needs without regard for yours. Once you have found your standards, you are ready to move on to maintaining those standards and coming up with additional values and characteristics that will narrow your choice down to no more than 1 or 2 people.

9 Golden Online Dating Tips for Seniors

I’m Old Enough to Date Online

You are a senior and want to have fun with online dating. And you want to feel safe while dating online. Let me help you to have fun and feel safe online with these 9 golden tips.

When meeting new people online don’t give away your private email address. Use services like Hotmail and Yahoo to create a new email account and use this account for your first encounters. When you are sure that the contact you’ve made is genuine and sincere and you feel comfortable about it you can give them your private email.

Don’t give away information about your home address. Just specify in which state you live or, when not in the US, which part of the country. There is always a chance that you meet people online who are interested in your home address for the wrong reasons. If they insist to know specific information about where you live think twice and end the contact. Only when you have a good feeling about a new friend, after several online meetings, you should give more information like the city or town that you live in.

If you want to use pictures in your profile or want to send pictures to a new friend you must use current ones. Don’t be afraid to be honest about your age.

Your profile on a dating site is like an advertisement. Not that you are selling yourself but you do want to attract people who are interested in who you are and what you like. So take your time building your profile. Be informative about your hobbies and your interests.

State clearly what you are looking for. Are you looking for a friend to share a hobby? Do you want a travelling companion? Or are you hoping to find a new friend to start a serious relationship.

There are people online and active on dating sites who ask a lot of questions but don’t reveal anything specific about them themselves. Beware of these contacts. Getting to know each other better online is only possible if both parties share an equal amount of personal information. Make notes about your new contacts and verify them for inconsistencies. It’s a waste of time to continue a contact with someone who is not honest in his or her answers.

When meeting someone online, using either email or a chat room, there will come a time that you or the other party wants to lift the contact to a higher level. Usually the first ‘real world’ contact is by phone. Use a cell phone for this. Be aware of the fact that a home phone number that is listed can be traced with the help of online directories to your home address.

It has been said before. Be careful with your personal information. Be extremely careful with your personal financial information. Stop the contact at once when someone wants to know about your finances.

Meeting your new contact for the first time needs some preparation. Most important is to meet in a public place. Tell a friend about your first meeting and where you are going. Call this friend when you arrive and call this friend again when you leave. Finally call again when you have arrived home safely.