Still in a relationship?

Something a little different this week. This is for those who are already in a relationship.

If you are in a relationship and are looking at dating sites, then something is clearly wrong. What are you doing here? Before looking at leaving, or worse still finding someone new while you are still in a relationship, perhaps take a little time out and consider the alternatives.

Why are you here? What is so bad with your present relationship to make you look elsewhere. Can it be fixed. Is it your fault or hers? Is it the right thing to do? Should I go or should I stay? How long is a piece of string? So many questions. There is no right and no wrong answer. Everyone is different. Everyone’s relationship is different. Everyone’s feelings, wants, needs and pain thresholds are different. Are there kids to consider? What is best for them? Do you stay for them, or is staying going to ruin their life more than leaving?

Again there are no right or wrong answers, no one size fits all. Only you can decide. But to help us make the best decision we need to consider all the facts, or as many as we possibly can. Take your time. Consider all the implications of you leaving. Financial as well as emotional. Confide in your most trusted friend. Talk it over. Often just talking about things and having another perspective can lighten the burden and maybe make you see that the problems you are having are minor in the scheme of things and easily worked through.

Maybe seek relationship counselling. This is maybe even free, depending on what country you live in. Sometimes you just need advice from a new perspective.

We have to realise then men and women are different, well duh…not just in appearance, but how we think, reason, what we need to make us happy, what we need in a partner, what drives us mad, what are deal breakers and what we can learn to live with. For instance, a woman wants to tell you her problems. That’s how she offloads. She does not expect you to fix them, she just wants to vent and talk about it. Men on the other hand take this to mean that she wants you to fix it. She doesn’t. She just wants a supportive ear to tell her what she already knows or thinks and agree with her. The sooner us men learn that the better. The exception is of course when she has asked for months for you to fix the leaking sink and you still haven’t got around to it. Practical things like this can drive her nuts and eventually she will give up on you and get or pay someone else to do what he knows you are capable of. Not a good look. Just fix it and keep the peace.

Consider carefully before you leave a relationship. Often it may be something you really regret later, and often there is no going back, or if she takes you back it may never be the same ever again. The few things that drive you nuts, are they really such a big deal? Could you learn to ignore them and put up with them? Is it really such a deal breaker when everything else is great?

Often after you have dated one after another who is still on the shelf do you realize what you had had way less faults than those out there. This is especially apparent for those of you in the older age bracket.

So consider carefully if you are on dating sites looking while still in a relationship. Is it really the best option? Life is short. Make the most of it. You will never find someone who is perfect in every way for you.  Waking up old and alone and missing what you once had and can’t get back really sucks.


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