The Rules of Dating
Rule 1 – Creating Your Standards
What are your standards when dating? What are your rules? Do you have any? What would you like your rules to be? Have you had successful dating experiences or are the majority of your experiences negative? Many of us date people without having a clear set of standards and guidelines in which to refer. Wouldn’t you like to weed out the people who are going to waste your time and focus only on those that have what you are looking for? I’m sure you would. Let me show you how.
Begin by asking yourself the question, “What are three most important must haves when seeking my potential life partner?” For instance, let’s say that you are a person who loves the outdoors. You are used to camping, hiking, skydiving, etc. Would you mind it if your potential mate was completely the opposite? Would you need someone that is as adventurous as you are or is this a minor asset versus a major asset? Once you have answered that question you can move on to the other two major must haves to determine a person’s eligibility. Dating is very much like finding the right candidate for a position. As a Recruiter, when a position is posted many candidates may apply for the position, however, not everyone is qualified for the position. Many candidates go after the position for what benefits them instead of what benefits them and the company that they hope to work for. In dating, potentials put in their applications with you by introducing themselves and trying to take you out or trying to be taken out by you. They are trying to get an interview with you to tell you how qualified they are to fill your vacant position. Professional recruiters must first understand what the needs of the position are, what qualifications and education are needed in order to select the best candidate. When you understand what your needs are as a person and as the second half of a dynamic whole, you can better assess whether the applicants does not meet, meets, or exceeds the criteria.
Let’s stop here for a moment. “You” have to understand what “your needs” are “first.” If you don’t know what you need, you will have too many candidates or not enough qualified candidates to choose from. The goal of dating should not be to date whosoever will. The goal should be to have at least 3 or 4 qualified persons vying for that vacant position as boyfriend or girlfriend and eventually wife or husband (depending on your needs). So what are your needs? Many dating sites now have personality profiles that match people according to how important a certain need is in their lives. Once again, if you do not know what you want for yourself, there is not a person on earth that will be able to fill that vacant position. What are your needs?
Ok, so you still don’t know what your needs are. What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What makes you angry? How often do you like to feel happy? What are your eating habits? What are your exercise habits? All of these questions and more are what you should be asking yourself. Let’s do an exercise: Take a sheet of paper and divide it into 3 columns. Name the columns 1. Likes, 2. Dislikes, 3. Passable. Write down in each column your standard for each category. Of all 3 columns I want you to choose the top 3 that are most important to you. You should have 9 things. Of those 9, choose the top 3 and list them below.
Now that you have listed the top 3 things that you like, dislike or are passable on, get another sheet of paper and create 4 columns. In the first column write the name of every ex that you’ve had. In the second column create a header with the name of your first need. In the third column use the second need and the fourth use the third need as a header. In each of the columns use the point system. 1 will equal “Does not meet,” 2 will equal “Meets,” and 3 will equal “Exceeds expectations.” After you have done that for each of your exes, you can probably realize why you are not with them any longer. However, if they exceeded then give them a call. The reason we used the exes is to give you a feel of what kind of candidate you do not need to look for. My top 3 were:
- Money (financially independent)
- God (religious, character, integrity)
- No children (but wants in the future)
If I began speaking to someone or was approached by someone and throughout my prescreening process they had two of those three, they are automatically out of the running. These are what my needs are. I choose not to bend on these three values therefore anyone I date must possess these three before we go any further. Now, I am not going to tell you that this is easy. It’s not. It is especially difficult when the person is very attractive and you have a good vibe with each other. That is why writing down your must haves and not wavering on them is so important. An attractive man or woman with a nice smile and a good vibe can make you disregard your values to live in the moment. If you don’t mind living in the moment then that’s fine, but if you are a person that wants to be with someone long term, your potential can’t be someone that makes you disregard what makes “you” happy.
This method will not be popular with those who care only for their needs without regard for yours. Once you have found your standards, you are ready to move on to maintaining those standards and coming up with additional values and characteristics that will narrow your choice down to no more than 1 or 2 people.