Third Grade Dating Rules
School Days, Rule Days
School days, school days, dear old golden rule days. Another school year arrives. The first day saw many different forms to fill out, as well as copies of various classroom/cafeteria/playground rules. School children are bombarded by rules – and rightly so. Social etiquette is learned, not inherent.
However, on the second day of school a new set of rules emerged, via my third grade daughter. These are the third grade DATING rules (be still my beating heart!) Here they are, as explained by my eight-year-old daughter.
Rule 1 – No gas, this is strictly verboten. Enough said on this one. Nothing is as unattractive as a petite little dew drop of a girl letting loose with a raucous belch in the cafeteria. Major social demerits. Although this was an approved activity all summer long (she has three older brothers)
Rule 2 – If you share a milk, get 2 straws. Since deadly streptococcal meningitis can easily be spread by sharing drinks, I was glad to hear that this is a rule!
Rule 3 – Boys like nice clothes, so dress well. This one sounds more like a plot to get me to buy more school clothes.
Rule 4 – Don’t talk so much, boys don’t like that. It starts young, apparently.
Rule 5 – Don’t kiss on the first date. This one comes with the addendum that the second date comes when you are 21!
Rule 6 – Don’t drink soda together, it makes you burp. See rule one.
Rule 7 – Don’t ever tell on your boyfriend. These boys have got it going on. They want their women to dress nice, share their milk, don’t talk too much and give them carte blanche to break rules!
Rule 8 – Always brush your teeth before school. My daughter informs me that rule 2 is in case the boys break rule 8.
Rule 9 – Try avoid all stomach gurgles. I like this one. It means my daughter (who eats like a bird) will now eat breakfast, so she doesn’t experience any embarrassing stomach growls.
Rule 10 – No yelling at your boyfriend. Again, the boys at my daughter’s school seem to have it going on.
Rule 11 – Don’t laugh if they get hurt or in trouble. Men and their egos!
Rule 12 – Make sure your nails are painted, boys like that. See rule 3, another plot, I suspect, to get my eight-year-old daughter a manicure/pedicure.
Rule 13 – Wear boots, boys like those. Caveat: we live in Texas, where Urban Cowboy never goes out of style.
There you have it. The 13 rules of third grade dating. When I was in third grade, I was still under the impression that boys had cooties.