Whatever Happened to Dating?
In a day and age when people sing the praises of match.com and attend 5-minute speed dating lunches, how is the true art of dating meant to survive? Gone are the days of Marsha Brady, when it was okay to “date” more than one boy because quite simply you never knew if Tom or Billy would be as nice to date as Brian or Robert. Those moments of “getting to know you” and “taking our time” have been replaced by nights spent in bars with low cut tops and first-date sex. Let’s not even get started on the first-date sex, because although I am guilty of sliding down that prickly slide a time or two (or three or…well, you get the point), it seems like we just expect it to happen; like it’s supposed to go that path, and to heck with waiting.
My intention is not to come off like a prude; far from it. I enjoy sex and I think that people should have the freedom of choice to engage in it when they choose. I suppose it is the rampant attitude that sex on the first date is just oh so normal, and especially when it is topped off with comments like “We’re both adults, why play games?” or “I’m too old to play around with dating and holding out” or one of my personal favorites “We’re not getting any younger, why should we hold off when all we want to do is bring each other pleasure?” (Are you serious?)
I, for one, am back in what I like to affectionately call the “Dead Sea of Dating” and it is not always the nicest place to be. Between bad dates, missed dates, awkward dates, and the random good or great date, a girl can get frustrated with the ups and downs of just getting to know a guy, let alone the added pressure of physical intimacy. I don’t blame the guys, because truth be told, the ladies earn their fair share of the blame too. We hit the town in tight pants, low tops, push-up bras, sweet perfume, edible underwear, and let’s not forget the famous “booty dance” when we’re out in the club. All this to lead up to a probable one-night stand, but hopefully a possible long-term connection; but we’re not getting to know the guy’s ladies. Can we get some last names, some occupations, some information about them like do they have kids, have they been married, are they out just to have fun or are they looking for long-term too? Maybe even the simple questions like do you have a car? Do you have a steady job? Do you live on your own, or with roommates, or the dreaded with parents?
The things that we learn about a guy that only time can tell are sometimes only tiny bits and pieces of information, but they are important bits and pieces of information. How he felt last night has no correlation to how he treats his women in the long run, and that neat trick he did with the ice is not going to tell you if he is good with money or good with people or good with kids. Now if all you’re looking for is a quick romp, then more power to you – enjoy and be sure to drink plenty of fluids and get a good meal out of the deal. But if you’re looking for a possible mate or long-term connection, maybe you should keep’em closed on that first date. Make him TALK to you and get to KNOW you and WANT to know MORE about you, and create a little intrigue. Don’t feel bad if you’re DATING more than one guy, because that’s what you’re supposed to do; DATE. If you were sleeping with more than one guy I could see the problem if you’re looking for love, but if you’re not sleeping around, then DATE away, and take your time! Bring back the art of dating!