Tips on What to Say and Do When You Are a Mom

Being the mother of a son has many wonderful responsibilities. As our sons reach different stages of development, these responsibilities change. When it comes to the tween and teenage years, the discussion of the topic of girls and dating becomes necessary. While this discussion can sometimes be challenging between a mother and her son, it can also be rewarding and help to strengthen the mother-son bond. In this article, I will provide a few tips that I have used in talking to my oldest son about this topic as well as one that I plan to utilize when he returns from his first date.

1. First and foremost, keep the lines of communication open between you and your son. – No matter what the topic, let your son know that you are always available for him to talk to and confide in you. Say something like “I want you to know that I am always here for you whenever you need to talk.” Reassure him that you will always love him and that he is free to express his thoughts and feelings to you about anything. You may not agree with something he says or thinks, but always show him respect and love. Often, if you are willing to lend him a listening ear, he is more likely to seeing your point of view. An example of what to say would be “Son, I may not agree with what you are saying, but know that I will always love you and respect your opinion.”
2. Talk to him about how to be respectful to a girl and how to treat her on a date. As a woman, you know what behavior that you consider to be appropriate and inappropriate for a man on a date, and educate your son about this as well. Say “when a girl tells you “no,” she means “no” Tell him “it is ok for a man to open the door for a woman, bring her flowers, offer to pay for the tab on a date, etc.” Stress to him “your date is worthy of respect and consideration. Please treat her that way.”
3. Ask him if there is any girl in whom he is interested, and let him know that it is completely normal for him to have affections for a girl. It is completely natural for a young man to be attracted to a young woman, and it is very healthy for a son to feel that he can express this fact to his mother. Say “Is there anyone at school (or wherever) that is special to you right now? Would you like to tell me about her?”
4. In regard to the topic of sex, be honest with him regarding his virginity, STD’s and the possibility of an unexpected pregnancy. The discussion of sex between a mom and a son can be somewhat awkward, but honesty is the best policy when it comes to this. Let your son know that his virginity is a gift, not a curse as his friends may try to tell him, and that it was intended to be given away once, preferably to his wife. Provide him with detailed and accurate information about sexually transmitted diseases (brochures on these can be obtained from your local health department, or you can research these diseases via the Internet). Discuss with him the fact that he has the potential to produce children and become an unexpected father. As mothers, we must educate our sons about the subject of sex, because if we don’t, someone else will, and that individual or individuals may not provide them with the information that they need to know. Some things to say to your son regarding this topic are: “Remember that your body is a gift and is not to be given out to just anyone;” “I think it is important for you to know about some things that can happen when sex comes into the picture;” “You have the power to become a father. Are you ready for that responsibility?”
5. Encourage your son to bring the girl of interest home for you to meet her. I remember my husband taking me home to meet his parents the night of our first date. It really made an impression on me that he would think enough of me to meet his parents. When your son brings his date to your home, spend some time talking with her. After all, if your son that you love so much is fond of this young lady, shouldn’t you take the time to get to know her and make her feel comfortable? It might be wise as well to build a good relationship with the girl if it seems that she and your son might have a continuing involvement. Keep in mind though that interfering in their relationship can be harmful. It is better that we as mothers be supportive. In so doing, we can build relationships with our sons that can bring years of happiness and many fruitful rewards.

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