Internet Dating, Women Over 50
Be Smart and Be Safe
I have had several friends use internet dating and recommend it as a good way to meet people of the opposite sex, even if no romance develops. Faith*, Hope*, and Grace* have each had good and bad experiences (as we all do when taking a chance on love). They have cried, laughed, and said a big “Whew!” while wiping their brow after a close call. While none have made a romantic connection, they have had good times with some interesting people. My girlfriends are loyal, trusting, and faithful givers. They can be tough as nails when protecting others but personally vulnerable.
A widow of several years, Faith has a beautiful smile and can light up a room with her laughter. She is mystical and loves angels and crystals. She can see (and sometimes bring out) the good in everyone. She tries to be cautious and takes her time getting to know the men before agreeing to meet them in person, always in public. She is very open and trusting but assures me she doesn’t give out personal information too quickly. Her son watches out for her and is always reminding her to be safe.
Originally lonesome and looking for romance, Faith had given up and was just having fun when Pete* came into her life through plenty of fish. Although they had only spoken on the phone for a few months, it seemed to her that they had known each other for years. He was out of state but she finally agreed to fly up and stay for a week (she stayed alone in a hotel). For over a year they enjoyed a long-distance romance that ended in a great friendship. The oldest of my 3 friends, Faith remains optimistic, looking for love and friendship on the internet, she suggests that you be cautious and don’t expect too much; just relax and just enjoy yourself.
Hope attracts stalkers (online and off) and men whose actions conflict with their words. She used a few different sites, each Christian-based. She had lost her home, her job, and moved out of state to be near family. She tried internet dating as a way to escape and to get an occasional free meal (at times she would have gone hungry otherwise). She would never have met her first connection in person if she listened to her instincts. He was calling often, worrying about where she was and if she was okay when she didn’t answer. Hope went out with him a few times and quickly found out he was demanding and controlling of their time together. It took longer to get him out of her life than the time spent dating. Another expected sex in exchange for dinner and she didn’t hear from him again when she refused. A third was not in good health and seemed to be looking for a nurse rather than a partner. Being a nurturer, she easily and naturally fell into the role of caring for him until she realized the relationship was all one-sided.
While not giving up the idea of online dating completely, Hope is done for a while. She feels she got away from her faith for a time and is now back on track, trusting God to look out for her as He always has. She is back where she feels at home again and in the loving bosom of her Christian friends, attending retreats and spending time with those who share her faith. She advises being careful and to remember…”Just because it’s a Christian site does not mean everyone on it is a Christian”.
Small of stature but big at heart, Grace, a recent widow, felt it was time to restart her life. Using match.com, she had two bad experiences and wants women to listen to the warnings and do not leave the website if they are pushing you to do so. Both of the men Grace spoke to insisted it would be much easier to get to know each other on yahoo messenger. One wanted her to hide her profile. It seems a simple, safe request but is only the beginning for a scammer to get you to trust him. Stay on the dating site so you can easily end conversations with him and report him if things are not right.
The first was supposedly in Africa with his son, making contacts to sell his antiques, but lived in New York where he home-schooled his son. He told her he had caught his wife with another man and called her a liar when she said she needed to get off to have dinner with her family. He thought she was talking to other men and “got really nasty with me”. She quickly cut off all contact with him. She has since learned that there are scams involving antiques in Africa.
The second said his name was David Hennet and that he was a widower with an American father and a Swedish mother who had died a few years ago. He also claimed to be a widower, having lost his wife and child in an auto accident. He was looking for love and after only four days of chatting with Grace, he “trusted” her enough to ask for her help in getting money he and his men had found in Iraq. Having no family, he of course needed someone he could trust to get the money back home where he could invest it. He knew a diplomat who would get the money to her safely. She recognized it as a scam and got out.
Whichever site you choose, I highly recommend that you read and follow its safety tips and look up the current scams. There are many sites (scamwatch.com, connecting singles anti-scam, romancescam.com…) that you can use to stay informed and report any abuse. Be safe but have fun.
* real name not used.
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