Dating: Look for the Genes, Not at the Jeans
As women, I believe that when we look for a man, we look for the nice looking “hot” guy. I feel that we are more attracted to nice hair, straight teeth, a spicy cologne smell, and a butt that looks good in a pair of jeans. I don’t believe that it makes us shallow, because I sense that men look for the same qualities in women. Although, all of these attributes definitely assist us in determining whom we’re attracted to, in essence, and in truth, we need to look much deeper when searching for our soul mate.
I learned through a failed marriage that the outer part of a man is appealing for so long, and then, the novelty wears off and you are stuck with his genes – the make-up of his chemistry. I would prefer just being stuck with his worn out jeans because you can patch them, or simply throw them out. However, once you are involved with a man, fall hopelessly in love with him, and then discover his genes, it’s too late because you have developed such deep feelings for your man that you cannot throw him out.
So, now you have to work diligently on patching and repairing his genes, and unless you are a qualified psychologist, you are going to have problems mending his behavior patterns. Many psychiatrist/psychologist are sure to disagree with me; however, I have seen it with my own eyes in 3 generations. My ex-in-law’s family has addiction, bi-polar disorder and a host of bad behavior. I left my ex-husband when my children were small. They had no contact with their biological father, or his family, and they behave identical to him and his family. And, let me tell you, it has been living hell trying to raise these children to function as normal, responsible adults.
However, what if your man does not want patched or repaired? Now you’re stuck with sadness, hopelessness and despair in your relationship.
Therefore, this is where my title becomes apparent. Look at the man you are about to start a relationship with through his actions, his family history, his behavior, his baggage. We all have baggage; however, some people have more, and do not know how to deal with it. Some men have additive personalities or disorders that they were born with and have not overcome their weaknesses, nor do they know how, so it will reflect your relationship in the future.
I believe that the Lord has chosen to give all of us a mate if we want one (some of us desire to be single and that is fine). However, if we make the decision to choose our mate because hotshots” in those cute lil jeans, then I believe we are headed for trouble.
If you watch the pattern of your chosen mate/partner/lover closely, he will reveal things through his behavior such as; Gambling, drugs, alcohol, or maybe a disorder, like; ADD (attention deficit disorder), or OCD (obsessive, compulsive disorder). I’m not saying that you cannot have a relationship with such a person; however, they need to realize that they have this disorder and are willing to receive help, and realize that it is a problem. Further, what about habitual lying, stealing, or just being empty inside. These are not disorders, but it is in their gene make up and it does not get better as your relationship progresses. In fact, these addictions, disorders, or just plain bad behavior tend to worsen over the years.
Therefore, ladies, let’s look at a man in whole, so that you do not have to suffer in a relationship. Relationships are supposed to be peaceful, loving, and desirable. Do not let yourself get emotionally or intimately involved with a man before you know whom it is that your developing a relationship with.
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